the one who needed to go

i’ve been on their website every single day for months. nordjyllands idrætshøjskole. photos of people running on beaches and lifting weights in bright rooms. something in my chest i can’t name but know is important. not inspiration. closer to hunger.

i know the formula. i did it at twelve in skælskør. remove everything, focus on the one thing. no distractions, no comfort, no excuses.

so i asked mor. and she said yes. she had just gotten some money and she could have used it for anything. for herself. god knows she deserves something for herself. but she looked at me and saw that i needed this, and she paid for it.

i don’t think i said thank you properly. i don’t think i understood what it cost her. not the money. the trust. she was betting on me when i wasn’t sure i was worth betting on.

i’m going to brønderslev in the fall. i’m sure of it the way i was sure about the nonfirmation. something in me just knows.

i hope you still have that. the thing that visits a website every day for a year because it can’t let go of who it wants to become.

/ den der skulle væk