the hedge file
sanne’s desk — 16:30
sanne has both fisker complaints open in front of her. side by side. she has read them three times. they are, structurally, the same complaint in two different handwritings. bente’s is typed. margit’s is handwritten in a cursive that suggests private schooling and unresolved fury.
she unscrews her thermos. it is past two. it is not coffee.
natasja passes with a stack of filing, moving through the room with the silent efficiency of someone who has learned that invisibility is the highest-paying skill in the building.
sanne: natasja.
natasja stops. this is unusual. sanne rarely addresses her directly. it is not unkindness — sanne simply operates as though the universe will handle logistics, and the universe, in this building, is natasja.
sanne: you log the intake metadata, yes?
natasja: yes.
sanne: complaints 0412 and 0413. the fisker pair. what time were they filed?
natasja: 0412, saturday, 09:04. 0413, saturday, 09:11.
sanne: seven minutes apart.
natasja: yes.
sanne: from different addresses.
natasja: same street. opposite sides. the hedge is the border.
sanne takes a sip from her thermos.
sanne: so one of them filed first, and the other one found out within seven minutes and filed a counter-complaint. on a saturday morning.
natasja: the drop box has a camera.
sanne: we don’t have a camera on the drop box.
natasja: the kebab shop does. pointed at the street. you can see our entrance.
sanne looks at her.
sanne: and you know this because?
natasja: i notice infrastructure.
a pause that lasts exactly long enough for sanne to decide she doesn’t want to know more.
sanne: bente’s complaint says margit trimmed the hedge on bente’s side without consent. margit’s complaint says the hedge is on margit’s property and bente retaliating with a leaf blower at 7 AM constitutes noise harassment. both have included survey maps. the survey maps disagree.
natasja: whose surveyor?
sanne: bente used a professional. margit used google earth and a ruler.
natasja: which one is the second wife?
sanne: bente. second. margit is third. the first wife hasn’t filed yet but the quarter is young.
natasja sets down her filing stack. she sits on the edge of the adjacent desk. this is the most informal she has been in the office in two years.
natasja: the complaints aren’t about the hedge.
sanne: nothing is ever about the hedge.
natasja: bente’s language. page two. “a sustained campaign of territorial encroachment by a person who has consistently demonstrated an inability to respect boundaries.” that’s not about privet.
sanne: no.
natasja: and margit’s. “the complainant has a documented pattern of attempting to control spaces that are no longer hers.”
sanne: also not about privet.
sanne closes both files. places her hands flat on top of them.
sanne: i have to call them both. separately. schedule mediation if neither withdraws. standard 16-A process.
natasja: who first?
sanne: neither. i’m going to sit here for another four minutes.
natasja nods. she picks up her filing. stops.
natasja: there were three complaints from birkevej this month. mogensen’s shed thing. and two noise complaints from different houses. same street.
sanne: and?
natasja: and nothing. just a cluster.
she leaves. sanne watches her go with the expression of someone who has just noticed a supporting wall they’d been leaning against for years.
she takes another sip. opens bente’s file again. finds a photograph of the hedge. it is an ordinary hedge. it is two metres tall and extends for roughly fifteen metres. it is the most aggressively normal hedge in denmark.
she picks up the phone. puts it down. picks it up again.
dials.
sanne: yes, hello. this is sanne bech from the bureau of citizen concerns. is this bente fisker? … yes. regarding your complaint. … no, i’m handling it. gorm has recused himself. … under protocol seven. … yes, it’s real. … it’s very real, mrs. fisker. i assure you.
she closes her eyes.
sanne: yes. i’m sure he was very difficult to be married to. that is, unfortunately, outside the scope of this call.